First the high, then the low...

And so it goes that with a great revelation, a great experience in the presence of God that we come back "down" and find ourselves feeling alone. So great an experience comes with the withdrawal.

There is a great desire to share the experience but a sadness that comes in the inability to express it. Living it takes time and we seek the immediacy of talking about it and the disappointment that follows in our inability and lack of response from those to whom we talk about it.

And this is the ego talking. And this is the great trip up. We take pride in our experience and feel privileged, special. This isn't to say that we aren't those things but the trick of the ego is to isolate them and take them and hoard them out o need, desire, lack. We seek to make them "our" experience.

The difficulty comes in remaining humble. Just as we are not to react to negative circumstances or things that happen that make us uncomfortable, so too must we remain the same when we experience great things. This isn't to say we mustn't experience the joy as it is a Biblical injunction that we are to experience the "joy of the Lord" but to say that we must not dwell on it. Whatever we experience, whatever we feel, we must continue to move on.

Remember it, meditate on it, even share the lesson learned, but do not stay there as to stay there is to risk becoming static, allowing pride to puff up our ego, our intellect, the feeling of somehow being above others leads to us separating and isolating us from others.

I have been feeling low. Having had such a great experience over the past few weeks I let my guard down and allowed my ego to get the best of me, allowing myself to be frustrated which is just another way of saying being selfish and spoiled. I'm not getting what I want right now so I'm frustrated.

What is it I felt I wanted? Attention, profound writing, more attention, accomplishment, freedom from seemingly dead end work.

But what I really want is God. And this requires faith. Faith = trust. So my impatience is really a lack of trust.

And that, my friends, is humbling.