Seeking To Believe

It dawned on me today that whenever I seek to understand another religious tradition or variant of my own it is usually because I am truly looking to believe it. In other words, convince me not as 'proof' that it is right in comparison to where I currently stand or in comparison to my own but seek to show me why you believe this on its own merits.

There is a subtle but significant difference in this approach. There is no ulterior motive to build up ammunition to attack. If I am sound in my own faith I will not be moved. If I am not, I will.

And, more importantly, if this leads to strengthening of my own faith or a conversion it ultimately should lead to respect and understanding. 

So as far as EO is concerned one sticking point (i.e. lack of understanding) is in regard to Mary as Theotokos. I've been hung up on the veneration of Mary and praying to Mary for intercession. I am, however, drawn to or curious about all the Mary statues I see in people's front yards. I'm drawn to asking homeowners why they are there and what the significance is of the effort to place a statue in front of the house. 

What I've come to understand is that the significance of venerating Mary is to prevent slippage back into the Nestorian heresy. That resonated with me as I have been immersed in this theology thing for quite some time now (have shifted attention now to the common belief that the cross did not finish the job and that Jesus' spirit had to go to hell, completely cut off from 'God' (aka the Father), to fight the devil and that after this he was 'born again' which at first glance sounds like a Nestorian understanding of his Whoness).

I wonder, however, did this aspect get lost over time and as there is a long distance from the pulpit to the pew does tor many, turn into worship or near worship of Mary for many?

Chicken & Waffles

My wife has a habit of calling me out on what I've learned: 'how does that help you love me more?' is her usually question when I throw out titles such as "Florovksy's 'Mind Of The Fathers' and the Neo-Patristic Synthesis Of Dumitru Stăniloae."

Valid point. In my head it all makes sense but in the real world is often leads to an absence; the more I'm in my head, the more likely it is I'm not fully present in what's going on around me which, of course, is the opposite of what my faith is supposed to do.

But this battle, this struggle, is significant in that unless I am fully grounded in my faith - and this includes a mental ascent toward that ever elusive truth just beyond my grasp - I am not living an authentic life. Or, my authenticity is my searching, my questions, my doubt. But then there is this 'other' side of me that struggles with that, this 'other' thing inside of me challenge me with a notion of something I am supposed to be: expectations, real or imagined; of my parents, my spouse, my boss, society, me. I don't know where these expectations come from but they drive me either to compliance or rebellion. But I am being driven by something that is often rooted in imagination and not reality.

When the ground of my being changes, when I am rooted, I can move forward rather than trying to overcome.

The faith, that seed, is there, I'm trying to flesh it out (John Chapter 1 puts a whole new spin on that phrase).

We are an infinite mystery. This does not imply that when we get to the bottom of us we find we are Divine. We ourselves are fathomless and the danger of going inwards is that there is no bottom, only darkness. We often confuse this realization as if it is the truth. I now know, I have arrived. But it is only then that the questions, and the confusion, start. What does it mean?

I had that revelation on the top of Yosemite. And my life took a downward spiral. I was not suddenly liberated. I had an 'experience' which changed everything but I - the true 'I', the person - was not free. Even today as I write this, I am still working out what that means.

The datum of faith, of revelation, of the Word, is what stops us from sinking into nothingness. Daoism didn't do it; Islam didn't do it; Henry Corbin didn't do it. However, all of these paths - and there is an 'eastern' bent to all of them - have led me here, the scenic route, if you will, to where I now find myself: swimming in the Church Fathers and the Orthodox faith. It is only lately that the 'Christian' path in its fullness through time has given me proper orientation.

We can go deep into "God" with that leap of faith; we now have new ground (ontological hypostasis, to use Zizioulas' term) on which to stand. From the history of the Church this came through baptism; in today's Church it is a mental ascent ('accept Jesus into your heart'). Did the early Church view baptism as 'mandatory' (as Oneness Pentecostals emphasize) or was it an accept rite of passage, the commitment and the act one and the same, not a commitment and a 'mandatory' act but the act as the commitment?

Or is the baptism itself the re-orienting, even when babies are baptized?

Marriage advice:

1) You don't know how selfish you are until you get married.

2) If marriage is to reflect Christ and the Church and Christ gave his life we are to do the same. That means humility - not forced, faked or efforted (is that a word?) - but true humility, kenosis.

3) And without a third, like the perichoresis of the Trinity, marriage has a limit. 

Thus started a long conversation about the emptying of the Son.

Communication is important, yes, but it led to a discussion about the Word, the creative power of the universe, seeking to give birth through us which led us on the tangent of listening and what listening really means.

We don't usually listen because we are not open, we are not a vessel to receive and transform. We block the perichoresis. We should be Eucharist, to receive, transform and give back. 

There should be nothing anyone can say that fears us as we are an unlimited reservoir to the Divine. In other words, where we end therein lies the Spirit and in the Spirit through the Son to the Father we have been given access. 

While other religious traditions speak of the Divine I have not, in all my experience, found anything so clear as this. We touch the heart of the Father and the presence of the Son in the Spirit is in us and it is this Life that transforms.