Where did the body of Jesus go?

This is a question that has always nagged at me. If Jesus had a physical body after his resurrection as we think of it and he ascended up (I assume) to heaven, this means his body defied every physical law and wherever heaven is "up there" he had to have moved faster than the speed of light to get there or he would have somehow hit warp speed and traveled to another universe or dimension. Pretty fantastical stuff, more like science fiction than faith.

So where did he go?

As we were standing in worship service at church one Sunday, the music struck a very hypnotic, trance inducing tone and it was as if the entire room was truly on one accord, hands lifted high, no song lyrics just a mantra-like phrase in the song. I looked around the room and had a striking and crystal clear thought: this is the body of Christ. This, I thought to myself, is Jesus.

Paul speaks of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27 et al). He also notes that the Lord is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:17). This view is Biblical. It bears similarity to the Ummah in Islam and the Sangha of Buddhism only there is a more "mystical" flair to Paul's version as Muslims don't believe the Ummah is the body of Muhammad nor is the Sangha the body of Buddha.

Paul makes no mention of a physical ascension. He speaks of an exalted Jesus (cf. Philippians 2:9-11). Either the ascension was assumed or well known amongst the communities to whom he spoke or it was unimportant or even unknown to him. It isn't until we get to the Gospels that a "bodily" ascension comes into play.

Paul mentions (assuming these writings are actually his) those who believed the resurrection to have already happened, a spiritual not "factual" event, Gnosticism already beginning to show its roots. It seems pretty clear from this passage that Paul believed in a bodily resurrection of some kind. If this is true then we can safely assume that he believed that the "spiritual body" of Jesus was not a disembodied spirit floating ethereally in the atmosphere somewhere. What this body is certainly is far from clear. It's the same but it's different.

But again, where is this body? In heaven? Where is this heaven? Is it "up" as we all believe, Jesus' body ascending like a photon through space?

Or is the glorified body somehow different or transcendent of such physical limitations?

Or is the "right hand of the Father" something of a metaphor for retirement?

Or is his body the Church, i.e. you and I, Christ in us through the Spirit?

Where is this body?

By the way, Muslim tradition (though perhaps not universally accepted, especially by more critical scholars) teaches that instead of being crucified, Jesus was rescued at the last minute and was taken up to heaven bodily while a substitute (perhaps Judas, who must have looked like Jesus) was crucified in his stead, the Jews thus believing him to be crucified and spreading what was in effect a lie. No glorified body, no body transformed, no spirit body, just the real, physical body of Jesus.