I've decided to, after multiple attempts, read through Augustine's Confessions (and, likely, City of God). My entire reading library is now 'Orthodox' or 'Catholic' in nature. In fact, the more I listen to modern preaching and teaching, the more I gravitate back toward these writings.
Modern preaching simply does not hold my interest or, it may be said, it doesn't 'thrill' me like it used to. This leads me to believe that by and large I was always looking for the 'wow' factor and as this faded I grew bored and in search of the next buzz.
What I find now is that I'm looking for a faith in which to settle into and it is this I find in these writings. It feels like home. It isn't absent the 'wow' factor but when it happens it isn't an emotional thing as much as it is a deepening of peace. As the early Fathers like to say, it is as if my soul has opened prodigiously at the faintest of light shining into it. My soul expands, it is not titillated or otherwise charged. It leads, as the Fathers, also like to say, to reverent silence.
It is this silence that charges me and once there nothing can replace it. My longing is for that place of silence where I find Him and only Him.
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