Today is Monday, May 20, 2019. I'm taking this blog in a different direction, we'll see where it goes.
As much as I wax philosophical about religion and matters of faith, even life in general, the reality is that we are struggling. Not without hope but struggling. This is the reality that all of us are either facing or running from or some combination of both.
But even though it is rough right now, there is good and we are grateful when we get outside of ourselves and see the sun above the clouds.
And comparatively our struggles pale in comparison to the struggle of others. And this too is a struggle because of our limited view. I struggle because even though my struggle is what we might called a 'privileged struggle' it is still a struggle nonetheless and comparative guilt doesn't help.
So how to get out of the mud? How to reach out and help others? This is the challenge.
I think I have a limited view of helping others. I have a monetary view in mind because our struggles are monetary and we are unable to help others this way without putting ourselves in a bind which will further exacerbate the problem.
So when we have 'gift offerings' at church I feel shame and guilt because I do not feel we can afford it yet there is the warped sense of 'if you do this, God will bless you' as if it is a formula. Yet God also wants us to be responsible, no?
Are we not debtors (our current situation due to some poor choices made a while back) slave to the lender? Should our focus be on responsibly managing what he gives us in the way of finances rather than looking for a 'formula' that equates giving to freedom from debt?
Always questions. I don't think I understand the obsession with finances in the church. And perhaps it is a flaw in me, a sore spot, rubbing salt in the very same wound of the fear I have of everything falling apart.
I put on video exactly what our situation is as a document as we progress. Our house is falling apart, our budget, while we are sustaining, is in a vulnerable even volatile spot, my wife's immigration hearing is on the horizon (which has cost us our tax refunds for the past four years), daughter has a third child on the way in a less than ideal situation, suffering from an impinged shoulder (getting better but still limiting), cars are in need of 'stuff' and in terms of a future we are not well prepared.
So, at 50 years old it feels as if we are starting over and the way my attitude has been lately it appears that 20 years of faith has come up short. And perhaps that's as it should be. Perhaps I have not yet really learned what it means to surrender and I am still self-reliant.
And comparatively our struggles pale in comparison to the struggle of others. And this too is a struggle because of our limited view. I struggle because even though my struggle is what we might called a 'privileged struggle' it is still a struggle nonetheless and comparative guilt doesn't help.
So how to get out of the mud? How to reach out and help others? This is the challenge.
I think I have a limited view of helping others. I have a monetary view in mind because our struggles are monetary and we are unable to help others this way without putting ourselves in a bind which will further exacerbate the problem.
So when we have 'gift offerings' at church I feel shame and guilt because I do not feel we can afford it yet there is the warped sense of 'if you do this, God will bless you' as if it is a formula. Yet God also wants us to be responsible, no?
Are we not debtors (our current situation due to some poor choices made a while back) slave to the lender? Should our focus be on responsibly managing what he gives us in the way of finances rather than looking for a 'formula' that equates giving to freedom from debt?
Always questions. I don't think I understand the obsession with finances in the church. And perhaps it is a flaw in me, a sore spot, rubbing salt in the very same wound of the fear I have of everything falling apart.
I put on video exactly what our situation is as a document as we progress. Our house is falling apart, our budget, while we are sustaining, is in a vulnerable even volatile spot, my wife's immigration hearing is on the horizon (which has cost us our tax refunds for the past four years), daughter has a third child on the way in a less than ideal situation, suffering from an impinged shoulder (getting better but still limiting), cars are in need of 'stuff' and in terms of a future we are not well prepared.
So, at 50 years old it feels as if we are starting over and the way my attitude has been lately it appears that 20 years of faith has come up short. And perhaps that's as it should be. Perhaps I have not yet really learned what it means to surrender and I am still self-reliant.
1 comment:
I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. I will be praying for you. But I want to encourage you in this. God honors your freewill offerings. Financial giving and time giving (Sabbath) and life giving are all parts of the whole of devoting your life to Christ. But be encouraged that your wise use of your funds is also a part of the story.
Remember the widow's mite. She gave what she could with a cheerful attitude, and Christ noted all that about her as she gave it. Don't believe in "seed money" theology. That's not why we give. We give as the Lord leads, we give as unto the Lord, no strings attached. We don't give TO get back. Do you give gifts to anyone you love with that attitude? ("Now I wonder what they'll give me.") No. You give because of your love. The woman who anointed Christ's feet with expensive perfume didn't do it because of what she'd get back. Be a good steward. Give secretly, as unto the Lord. Don't be fooled by false promises.
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