Sittin' in a megachurch...

I find myself in a really strange position.  The church I have attended for the past six years or so is becoming (or might even be considered) a megachurch.  It has all the signs of the very same church which on many levels frightens me. 

The building is large and modern with a cafe, bookstore, children's nursery, youth building and prayer center.

The building looks like an entertainment venue with curtains in the backdrop, three arrays of ten concert speakers hanging from the industrial looking ceiling, large screen monitors and multiple platforms for many different kinds of instruments from guitars to violins to piano to the obligatory drum in the glass booth.

The congregation is large

The pastors are beginning, in many ways, to be of a certain "type" even though at the moment there is still quite of bit of diversity in this regard (though on many levels this is also representative of the modern church). 

It has multiple campuses.

It has a ginormous budget.

Revival, signs, wonders, miracles and the names of some of the visiting preachers (cultish, celebrity-like status in some circles) are starting to cause me some consternation.

Now, don't get me wrong.  None of these things are, in and of themselvse, bad.  The church is growing for a reason.  There is a strong message preached here, straight no chasers.  It is about love.  Period.  Not the wishy-washy, self-help, feel good kind of love that makes you warm and fuzzy but the kind of love that gets you out of self. 

Not by preaching guilt, condemnation or hellfire and brimstone.  It's the kind of love whereby God is able to convict a person, if needed, or bathe the believer in love.  It is also a place of the recovering churchaholic, the person that has been abused at church or addicted to the emotionalism of the more 'charismatic' type churches. 

I have experienced this love and have healed more in the past few years than all the other years of my existence prior.  It is bathed in the Word and the head pastor is a man's man, not in a macho way but in the humbled way in which a man who is surrendered to God is strong.  Though women have a strong presence in the church, it is not effeminate.  There is a balance.

But lately I am struggling to enjoy the worship songs. 

"Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go..."

I had to check Scripture for this one.  It's certainly in there...

"Flash forth lightning and scatter them..." (Psalm 144:6)

"And he sent out arrows, and scattered them; lightning, and discomfited them." (2 Samuel 22:15)

It sounds like something Zeus would do.  Am I jaded, is my heart hardened, have I lost my childlike sense of wonder?

There is something a little too warm and fuzzy about a lot of these songs as are a lot of the books that are flooding the market.  They are very pop, in a least common denominator kind of way.  I have an aversion to watered down, syrupy Christianity and much of the church "scene" leans toward that end. 

Not that everyone can be expected to be interested in the high theology, the bedrock on which the Christian faith, but the danger of taking away or minimzing the theology is that it leads to a personal Jesus.  It is this we see in many churches today; many churches rise and fall on the pastor and his charisma.

Maybe it's my experience with rave culture and the understanding of the way in which music is used to create a certain mood, a certain emotional and mental state which many equate to spirituality.  So I'm being cautious or selfish, not sure which.

However, as Bono eloquently put it, you know I believe it.  Having seen it from the inside, I understand it and am still on board.  Lives are being impacted and there are no Benny Hinn like shenanigans here.  It's still pretty hardcore.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

I suppose it is that divine hunger that keeps us going.  Doubt and a healthy dose of skepticism does serve a function, even in church.