Today...

Sunday. Another 32 hour shift over the course of 56 hours. Yes, that is correct. But it's work that enables me to think, write, listen to music, blog, and watch movies. Cushy, eh? Doesn't pay a living wage and is a job that supplements my "real" job so it isn't so great. I'd rather have the free time but am grateful that in terms of having to supplement my income it's a good gig.

I happened to stumble across articles on two controversial figures in the Christian world, Juanita Bynum and Paula White. I run in circles where they are quite popular; in fact, Ms. Bynum was featured at a recent conference at our former church.

The troubling thing is that the "Jesus" she represents seems to have taken a back seat to her claims of being a prophetess, actress and motivational speaker.  Ditto Paula White.  I've heard Ms. Bynum speak at conferences.  The woman is a powerhouse.  But...
 
I obviously can't speak for their personal lives (and from what I can tell their lives, like all of our lives, have faced turmoil, moreso being in the public eye) but I can tell you that folks in the "outside" world, if they pay any attention at all, would not be able to distinguish them too much from other motivational speakers with a religious, even Christianized, slant.

It used to really bother me. Now I really don't care so much.

I feel this way about a lot of things that used to trouble me. Doctrine. Biblical criticism. Celebrity preachers. Prosperity preachers. Creation scientists. Christian enclaves. Megachurches. Christian-y entertainment that is just imitation of the "world" with a Christian stamp.

I'm not better than any of that. Not at all. But I've reached a place where it just isn't my focus. Perhaps it has to do with the responsibilities of life and the realization that all of these things come with the luxury of time. In other words, all of the above manifest in societies of privilege.

I suppose that many significant changes start from the "top" down so this isn't to say these are bad things. It's just important to keep them in perspective. It's a luxury to be able to sit here - at work - and write down thoughts that most people will never see.

From where I sit, listening to John Tavener's "The Protecting Veil" on a pair of Bose Quietcomfort 15 headphones while at work, contemplating, googling, researching, I am one of those privileged souls. I don't want to be ungrateful. I just need help in keeping it in perspective because sometimes it can be difficult to see outside the cocoon in which we live.

All that really matters is seeking the presence, the very realy presence, of Jesus in and through me. If the above can help me in this regard they are beneficial. But if these things become idols to which I bow, they need to go.

I am terrestrial, tasting of the things of the world, enjoying them, longing to find the divine through them. Absent are those days of soaring lyrical words, of soaring intellectual revelations, of soaring spiritual highs. However, this is not a dark night of the soul either. This is the middle ground: this is life, no future, no past, just right now.