My lovely wife and I take part in a Zoom call every Wednesday night based on the book Be The Bridge. It's a small group and we're involved because my wife is friends with one of the people in the group. We're also involved because we're an interracial couple and the subject is race.
The church leading this group is not the church we attend (or had been attending prior to the shutdown). If you've read any of my posts here, it may not surprise you to find that the shutdown provided me with the excuse I need to stop going.
For 20 years or more, since we've been attending an 'evangelical' church, I've been griping about the infiltration of politics into the church. The American flag, the pledge of allegiance, patriotic songs, and displays that are specifically national in character DO NOT BELONG. This makes it an American institution.
I don't sing patriotic songs ('God bless America' really rankles me), refuse to place hand over heart for the pledge, and will remain silent if it smells of anything cultural. The only reason I don't remain sitting is to not draw attention to myself. In hindsight, perhaps I should have remained seated. Does this make me un-American? I can separate America from faith in Christ; I can demarcate the political from the spiritual; I can see clearly where the 'founders' of America draw the line between a 'Christian' country and their selection of those more universal tenets from the faiths in which they were raised that align with their Englightenment principles.
So, un-American? That's silly.
In 2016, what I feared most happened. No longer undercover, the lid blew off. The 'evangelical' church revealed that it is an American church. I don't care if you say it isn't: for a large percentage of people, it is.
The wind that blew through after that first Sunday after the election in 2016 stung. We felt betrayed. This is not the church that Christ built; this is not why he hung on the cross; this is not evangelism.
But we kept coming. One of the young pastors preached a message about what pro-life really means and the Spirit blew through the church that day. It was a great reset and it seemed that healing was going to take place. And it did. For a while.
But then George Floyd. And the 2020 elections.
I unplugged. Even when I showed up, I wasn't there.
And then COVID. We stopped going. And haven't been back. And I have no desire to return.
If you've followed along, you'll realize that the other part of this is that I believe I've stumbled onto the true Church. I'm not talking about the Orthodox Church. I'm talking about Orthodoxy. The more you discover orthodox, the more quickly you can ascertain what isn't orthodox and in this regard, much of today's church is unorthodox. If you've followed my blog, this is not a new revelation. This deep dive has given me the words, the concepts, and the depth to frame what I had been sensing.
So...
This group. It's one of two that we are participating in. The other is related to the book Caste. On the call this past week, I gave voice to my rage at 'the church.' One of the comments, in full support, was that even though I have white privilege, I am angry in relation to my 'black wife.' I really had to unpack that as I do believe that I have privileges others don't. This isn't an economic thing, it's an unconscious thing. By and large, in the circles in which I run, I don't have to think about these things. That is the privilege.
And she was right. But my rage is much larger than just my 'black wife.' I think, however, that because of her hurt, and my anger at the hurt the church caused her, it lit the match. Prior to this, it was hypothetical, intellectual, even spiritual, but it wasn't life-altering. I could really just take it or leave it. I'd go for her or for the grandkids (although I am suspicious of the indoctrination of seven-year-olds when it comes to reinforcing how sinful they are and how they need saving).
But when I heard her out and realized her pain, I became lit. And now I am bitter, jaded, and have zero desire to return.
So we participate in these Zoom calls. Do we try that church? Do I suck it up and bring what we're learning to the church we had been attending? Do I chuck and go full Orthodox?
The dilemma remains. But these nutters operating under the guise of being pastors, or Christians, or whatever they call themselves, both saddens and infuriates me.
Again, Christ died for this?
No comments:
Post a Comment