My daughter, along with her three kids, spent the week with us last week. Let's just say that a frantic phone call early Sunday morning drove that to happen. Two wounded people in a highly dysfunctional relationship, emotionally and mentally stagnant due to past trauma, both in grown up bodies with grown up responsibilities.
The children suffer. As a grandparent, it is quite obvious to see the signs of this in their changing behavior. Jumping on furniture, not listening, running around like crazy or the opposite, withdrawing and saying things such as 'I'm stupid' out loud about themselves. It's gut wrenching.
My daughter moved back home when she found out she was pregnant a little over six years ago. She was on bed rest for 19 solid weeks and we made sure she was ok. The little miracle babies, the twins, were born at 32 weeks to the day. After a brief stint in the NICU they stayed with us for the next two years.
And it was glorious. I have never connected with babies on that level and they are more dear to my heart than most anything I've ever experienced so I am not used to this level of pain thinking that they may not be happy or, worse, may be in danger.
It's one thing when two grown adults, both emotionally damaged, are struggling but it is another when children are involved and the cycle of abuse is clearly seen and it seems out of my hands to do anything to prevent it from happening. It's enraging and causes me to question more things than I care to admit.
It also reveals to me how attached I am. One of the goals of any spiritual path is non-attachment (apatheia, according to the Church Fathers). This doesn't mean not caring, it means not attaching one's self to the results which, when it comes down to it, is idolatrous which is why we do not feel peace when things aren't going as we'd like them to go.
I'm not sure at this point what the solution is. All I know is it hurts like hell and I've never felt pain like this before. By clinging, the pain intensifies. How does one 'let go' in a situation like this?
"The only thing that burns in hell, Is the part of you that won't let go of your life. Your memories, your attachements, They burn'em all away. But they're not punishing you he said,... They're freeing your soul."
My daughter moved back home when she found out she was pregnant a little over six years ago. She was on bed rest for 19 solid weeks and we made sure she was ok. The little miracle babies, the twins, were born at 32 weeks to the day. After a brief stint in the NICU they stayed with us for the next two years.
And it was glorious. I have never connected with babies on that level and they are more dear to my heart than most anything I've ever experienced so I am not used to this level of pain thinking that they may not be happy or, worse, may be in danger.
It's one thing when two grown adults, both emotionally damaged, are struggling but it is another when children are involved and the cycle of abuse is clearly seen and it seems out of my hands to do anything to prevent it from happening. It's enraging and causes me to question more things than I care to admit.
It also reveals to me how attached I am. One of the goals of any spiritual path is non-attachment (apatheia, according to the Church Fathers). This doesn't mean not caring, it means not attaching one's self to the results which, when it comes down to it, is idolatrous which is why we do not feel peace when things aren't going as we'd like them to go.
I'm not sure at this point what the solution is. All I know is it hurts like hell and I've never felt pain like this before. By clinging, the pain intensifies. How does one 'let go' in a situation like this?
"The only thing that burns in hell, Is the part of you that won't let go of your life. Your memories, your attachements, They burn'em all away. But they're not punishing you he said,... They're freeing your soul."
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