Fumbling Toward Insolvency, The Terms Are In

Met with the 203k approved loan provider. It's a re-finance with the repairs included at 97% of the value of the home at the end of the loan term. 

The interest rate, HUD backed, is roughly 6-7% which is 2-3% higher than my current 15-year mortgage. Tack on $7K in closing costs and roll it into 30 years and holy crap that's a lot of interest to pay for home repairs. 

I've got a home equity LOC at almost 10% that will cover some of the repairs and can do some credit card dancing for the next few years but that will destroy by debt ratio and my credit score with it and will tack on extra balance transfer fees as I shuffle the balances around though that will be far less than the interest I'll be paying. 

This is a pretty major decision as it will put all future large purchases to a grinding halt and will throw a car lease ending in March will add even more pain. 

For someone who doesn't care about 'stuff' how did I end up here? I have some answers but not all of them. 

The root cause has to do with decisions made in weakness or out of lack or because it's what I thought we are supposed to do rather than a well thought out plan.

The journey continues...

Losing My Religion

"There's somethin' happening here

What it is ain't exactly clear."

Well, damn. I am losing my religion. It's an intellectual curiosity at the moment, a place of comfort, but I'm not sure I actually believe it.

I may be influenced by the American culture around me but the whole political religious thing has me nauseated. So too the fluffy, moral therapeutic deism that passes for faith. Or the tendency toward Oneness and the overemphasis of the baptism in the Holy Spirit, as if that is the whole point.

I dunno, something is missing. And I'm bored with it.

In fact, I've gone back, if you will, to my Dao De Jing and various Zen books to shake me out of it.

Could be a symptom of what's been going on personally, I acknowledge this, but I have no interest right now in setting foot back in church.

And that prophecy is messing with my head. This body? This church? I don't want to be there so am I falling away from the faith?

Is that why all this is happening? Am I back to third grade theology that it's all about me and if bad things are happening it's punishment? Sure feels that way.

Fumbling Toward Insolvency, The Saga Continues

This is the week we meet with our financial advisor on the 203k. After the cop drama from last week, curious to see where this one goes.

Still no resolve on the immigration front and time is rapidly running out or, more accurately, time is running more and more toward a multi-thousand dollar attorney bill.

We did schedule vacation for the Fall to head West for a story I've been tracking for 20 years. Can't really afford it but it's something of a last hurrah that may sustain us should things take a turn for the worse come first of the year. 

I remain hopeful but tire of waiting on people. This is part of the curse of the INTJ and the reason we will learn something in order to become self-sufficient and independent of relying on others to accomplish things. I'm sure we miss out on relating when we do this but after trust is broken a few times by some opportunists, mistrust turns into self-suffiency which can breed more mistrust in a never ending cycle.

The saga continues...

Fumbling Toward Insolvency (Part 6)

Came to understand why one of the lenders hasn't called me back.

We are pursuing a 203k loan through HUD to see if we can roll up all the repairs needed into a refinance option for the home and take out another 30 year loan at a reasonable interest rate rather than a set term with a much higher payment. 

The company seems to be the only one approved by HUD and it is based in a house outside of the main avenue of town. A little, uh, non-traditional but we're going to go with it to see where it leads.

Finally get a call back after last week's canceled appointment and come to find out the individual with whom we are to be working spent the weekend in jail after having been charged with a potential first degree finally involving alcohol, a police officer and a dog bite in the a**. Literally.

Is this a sign not to deal with them? 

Or was this individual removed and we'll get better service? 

The journey continues...

Fumbling Toward Insolvency (Part 5)

The journey continues...

Even banks don't want anything to do with us. We don't receive callbacks, especially after disclosing all the financial information regarding the house.

Current value is just under $60K, we owe just about half that on the mortgage. Essential are about half of what we owe, realistic repairs and upgrades needed to make the house saleable total about what the house is valued at.

Even the buy your house for cash people won't return our calls and I've tried several.

We are stuck in the middle. If we don't fix it, it's only a matter of time before it become uninhabitable; if we do fix it, we will be paying on it until we die.

I suppose we could abandon it and flee the country never to return but that won't happen, unless we are forced to for other reasons.

What a strange journey this has been.

And we've booked a flight to California to trace another story that has been evolving for 20 years which peaked about a year ago when I found a connection to the story which dates back to 1932, still living and still well. I am nervous and thrilled at this, even though we can't really afford it.

But there is a window of opportunity and I'd rather not live with the regret. 

My dog is 13 and is showing signs of age, some days better than others. 

New grandbaby, not sure I envisioned all of this when I set out but it is the reality we face. Rather than run, I am trying to embrace it and walk through it in hopes that on the other side is a story worth sharing.